Are you hoping that if you give him what he wants, he’ll eventually give you what you want?
It doesn’t work that way. That’s not leadership. Please read on.
Instead of giving what he wants first, give it second. You should almost always get what you want first, then be the person that gives him what he wants. I’m speaking strictly of emotions here. I always give my horse his basic needs, regardless of effort. Food, water, shelter, and health care are essential, but when it comes to his education, I don’t give into his emotions before I get what I want. IN FACT… if you do it the other way around, where you give into his emotions, you’re going to get nowhere fast and possibly make everything worse. A good friend gives a partner what he needs, not as a trade, but as a gift. A leader has to think differently than a friend. A leader always gets on track for results first, not second.
That’s not to say a leader can’t be a friend too. I give to my friends without any expectations of getting anything back. But when its time to lead… I don’t hope for a trade. I don’t hope he’ll give me what I want simply because I’ve been such a good friend. That hopeful thinking is false hope. I focus on getting results, and I control the trade. As a leader, I give rewards when I get results, not the other way around. This sounds horrible to some people. Some think it’s so cruel to be so demanding. But those same people struggle to get results in many aspects of their own life because they struggle with the basic concept of leadership.
When it comes to leadership, you must lead, you must control the trade, not hope for the trade.
Example: I want my horse to go into the horse trailer but he doesn’t want to. He wants to eat grass. So I say to myself, “Okay, let’s eat grass for a while, then we’ll get into that trailer.” Is this a good model of leadership? NO! It works best the other way around. Trailer first, then grass.
I see the same thing happen with people. Someone I know says, “I want to eat less sugar.” I say, “Great, throw that candy bar in the garbage then.” He says, “I don’t feel like it now, I’ll do it when I feel like it.” Is this a good model of leadership on his part? NO! Leadership requires action, then rewards. Not rewards, then action. It’s simple. But it takes being clear and sometimes tough.
“Leadership requires action, then rewards. Not rewards, then action.”
Not to worry though. You could be way tougher than you think and balance it out with bigger rewards in the end. Stay reward oriented, just reserve your rewards for after action, not before. You will notice your horse will love you even more for it. Because horses love clarity and leadership.
Be brave, be bold, be clear. If you struggle with one of those three things, (bravery, boldness, or clarity), call me asap. Let’s get you on the right track to leadership on a personal level.
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